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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I Solemnly Swear...

December 6: Reverb Broads Prompt
List 10 things you would never do.


That to the best of my ability, and barring extraordinary circumstances, I will never...



10. Take my crock pot, KitchenAid Stand Mixer, or my husband for granted




9. Become a vegan (sorry, I love beef, chocolate, milky coffee too much)


8. Run a marathon (for what ever reason, running is one of the things that really aggravates my asthma.)


7. Lose my appreciation for fireworks (Shiny)



6. Stop procrastinating (deadlines are there for a reason, right?)


5. Regret getting married at my parents' farm




4. Stop talking to myself when I'm grocery shopping (yes, I'm ~that~ crazy lady)

3. Using sarcasm or irony, even when it's not in my own best best interests

2.  Have enough books or music (or have enough time to consume as much of both as I want)

1. Stop appreciating the pure, unadultered joy of kids being kids




Wow, this post was much harder than I would have thought. And yes, like Em, assume that the really bad things like murder, running a meth lab, etc are already on the never list. Also, there is the tendency for me to feel obligated to take lists like this as a challenge.

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All photos by me! Except no.  The one of the wedding, someone else took that one.  Oops.

Monday, December 5, 2011

A Little Closer to that Elusive Cat

December 5: Reverb Broads Prompt
What is the one thing you finally did this year that you always wanted or said you were going to do, but in your heart of hearts never thought you would actually do?
Amy (Me) 

I thought that since this was my prompt and that I knew what I was going to write about this was going to be an easy post to write. I think I may have been wrong, but only because I realized it was going to take a different path than I had originally intended.

First off, I was going to write about participating in this year's National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).   As I say in the About section of this blog, I have always intended to write a book named A Cat Named Frank.  Now, I've had that title floating around since I was in high school.  I had chosen the name basically because I liked out it sounded. Also, at the time, I think we actually had a cat* named, well, Frank.

I started this blog just about a year ago.  Well, I started my Blogspot site about a year ago, motivated by Ms. Ronning's Reverb 10 posts.  I never really got around to writing those posts, but I did get around to writing this blog.  Anyway, from Ms. Ronning's blog, I ended up at Ms. Sands' blog and eventually ran into NaNoWriMo.  Writing a book in a month.  I could do that. But, I never said anything about it to anyone.

In October, I got an email from my mom.
"You probably have seen this website but I'm passing it on from Ingrid." - nanowrimo.org
Yes, I had seen it, I was surprised my mom would have thought to send it to me. Sadly, upon query, my mom isn't able to remember why she sent it on.**

Now, I don't know about the relationships the rest of you have with your moms, but even when something is somewhat obliquely referenced by my mom, that's almost as good as command.  She's a wee bit bossy, you see, and it is usually easier to just do what she asks, even when she hasn't actually asked. In other words, by sending me the website it seemed that my mom was saying, "Get on with it. Write your book. In November. Of this year." Though really, that doesn't really sound like her.

And then Troy told me that I had to say I was NaNoWriMo-ing in order to prod Beth*** into participating.  He mentioned some other of my former co-workers who were also going to participate.  What he didn't know.  Or at least I think he didn't know, was that I was already thinking about participating myself.

And the days ticked ever closer to November 1.

I've tried to write A Cat several times before.  I've tried to write outlines.  I've tried to map out a story.  I've maybe managed to get to two pages.  Monette has said we should write a cheesy romance novel together. But really, I never truly thought I had a novel in me.  I thought it was vanity idea. I pretty much figured I was going to end up writing things like "Bringing RPL2 back into service in accordance with SOP xx-xxxxxx will require that the DCP and RMP are approved and all assays pass the 10-microliter testing" for the rest of my life. BORING (but it pays the bills).

Then November arrived and I started writing an actual story.  At the end of the month I had over 50,000 words of gibberish that with careful editing will become something****. I am surprised and thrilled with myself that I actually wrote it, especially since based on my previous attempts I never really thought it was going to happen. 

It isn't great.  It made me realize I still have a lot of pent up anger about losing my job this past March and the circumstances around it.  I now know that I can sit and write for hours and pull a story out of the air. I know what authors are talking about when they talk about their characters taking on a life of their own. I know I have a lot of editing to do. But in the words of the Mommy Person, you "can't edit if you don't have anything written." It made me realize there are a lot of people around me who have believe in me more than I believe in me.

Here's a big giant thank you to Mom, Troy, Kassie, Emily, Beth, Melanie, Astella, Gretchen, and the Husband for your support this last month. Maybe someday I'll even let you read part of it.


If you're curious, the post entitled "Snippet" contains just that.


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*I'm a farm kid.  Farm cats aren't known for their longevity.  There are certainly some who have passed the test of time, but really, they are just long-tailed phantoms in my mind

**Sadly, it isn't surprising my mom doesn't remember.

***And here's kudos to Beth who works mad crazy hours and still got well into her novel as well!

****Right now as I am writing this part of this post, my husband has finally realized that I will be blogging all month.  He wants to know if you all know that you are preventing me from working on my novel.  For the record, he got thbthththth-ed

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Movie, Schmovie

December 4:Reverb Broads Prompt
In the movie version of your life, which actor/actress would 
play you and the significant players in your life? 
What kind of movie is it (e.g., made-for-TV, action, emo/indie, etc.)? 
What would be the major plot points, and how will it end?
courtesy of Emily at warmedtheworld.blogspot.com


So, here's the thing. I don't really think of my life as something to be put on on the screen. I love my life. It is very interesting to me. There are parts of it that could actually be made into decent little vignettes. But two hours of something? I just don't see it.

Also, I don't know much about movies and such. I know that the last movie I saw in the theater was An Education and that was in February of 2009. I actually watch a lot of movies and television shows thanks to Netflix and Amazon streaming, but I don't analyse them. I watch. Well, sort of, anyway. I'm often doing something else.
This is Me

So, since whatever movie about me would likely have food, I suspect it would be some sort of home-based indie movie, centered around the kitchen table, with lots of talking about nothing. Sorry, i can't think of any movies that really represent that. As for the actors and actresses? Honestly, I've got no one. Several other Reverb Broads bloggers have commented about the lack of plus-sized actresses, so that's certainly a hurdle. And I even went so far as to search for actress with dark hair and blue eyes. Going through the list, and assuming that size is relative, there's not a single one of them I would chose to be me. Maybe, maybe, maybe, Zooey Deschanel, but only as Trillian in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And a lot of that is only because that's what I've seen her in. Though I would love for any the words to come out of my mouth to be as witty as anything either Lauren Graham or Alexis Bledel said in Gilmore Girls. Also, my eyes are easily as blue as either of theirs.

As for the other players in my life. Um, I just don't think that way. I've never really send someone on screen and thought, "my word, that actor is just like that person I know."

So, to make life simple and at the very least pay homage to the intent of Emily's* prompt, I guess my movie is going to be a documentary where the people I know and love are sitting around a big wooden dining table, eating and drinking and talking and maybe playing cards, and everyone just is, just as they are.


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*Afterall, she is the only one of these lovely bloggers I actually know in person

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Is There Somewhere Between?

December 3: Reverb Broads Prompt
How did you become more of a grown-up this year? 
Or did you pull a Peter Pan and stubbornly remain childlike?


I did, in fact, start this post yesterday, but now I'm somewhat glad that child-like procrastination and grown-up things prevented me from posting, because this was in my inbox this morning.



And, well, that's me.  I am a grumpy grown-up.  I now realize that I should have said two things to middle school me; the second would have been: try not to loose whatever it is that had you that happy before 7:30 in the morning.  And how do I know  what was before 7:30am?  That's when the school bus arrived and that picture is clearly a before school picture.

Still, I had to write a list to decide if I was a grown up or not and this is what I came up with

Grown Up Things

  • Took myself to urgent care when I fell off my bike and broke my thumb*,**
  • Bought a new house and I signed my first mortgage papers
  • Bought a well-researched and practical car
  • Starting to re-model said new house, including refinishing the floorr
  • Didn't buy Lucy Charms or any other "kids" cereal
  • Bought a Christmas Wreath from the local school kid who came to the door
  • Apparently was a stingy crochety Halloween candy giver
  • Got laid off and found a new job
  • Started eating at the table rather than on the couch in front of the tv.


Childlike

  • Slept until 10 at least once and until 9 on numerous occasions
  • Wore pajamas all day more than once
  • Carved jack o'lanterns
  • Christmas decorating will be limited to the wreath, partially because of the floor
  • Not sure that I have a career


I'm in my mid-thirties I can (for the most part) fold a fitted sheet. I cook. I clean. I eat my vegetables. I go to work and even work on weekends. I am married. I own am paying for my own house.

There is still something very juvenile about our (my husband is going to get sucked into this, whether he likes it or not) existence. We have been married for fourteen months and eight days (but who's counting). This is a first marriage for both of us. We have neither pets nor kids which means we get to choose how we spend our days. We can sleep late, eat whenever, and go to bed when we like. We can open a bottle of wine and watch stupid movies to our hearts' content.

I'm not going to say we are child-like.  We are responsible, contributing members of society, yet we haven't been forced to truly set up to the plate as far as "grown-up" goes. But is possible that I may have lost some of my child-like zest for every bright new day.

So, I'm going to call myself a grown-up, but I'm going to start focusing (again) at looking at things from a child's perspective. Just as soon as I get these darn reports for work finished.

__________
*Okay, well, maybe falling off the bike is child-like
**and going to Urgent Care, very adult like.  My pinky is still crooked from when my mom didn't take me to the doctor when it got jammed playing volleyball in middle school.



Friday, December 2, 2011

Yes, That Was Truly, and in All Other Ways, STUPID

December 2: Reverb Broads Prompt
What is the stupidest thing you did this year? What about in your whole life? You can take stupid to mean: embarrassing, dangerous, funny, lame, whatever you consider "stupid."


I do a lot of stupid things, mostly of the open-mouth-insert-foot category. I hope they are as transient for those who see them as they are for me. Sadly, they don't really stick in my mind so I am somewhat condemned to repeat them.

This week seems to have been somewhat full of stupid things: leaving my phone/music at home one day; leaving my coffee at home two days in a row; leaving my computer-glare reduction glasses at home one day.  Stupid, stupid, stupid, but likely forgotten by next week


Then there are some stupid things I have done that I don't simply forget. They teaching devices after all.


At the end of my first week at a new job I went out to my car to find the inside dripping with some sort of liquid.  My first thought, my absolute first thought: Who hates me so much after one week at this job that they would vandalize my car*.  I was convinced someone had done this on purpose as some sort of revenge for some previously aforementioned foot-in-mouth event.  Upon closer examination, I realized it was Diet Coke, from the full, unopened can I had intended to take with me into work on that hot July day**.  The can, inside my car on a rather warm day developed a pin-hole leak and sprayed the inside of my car with Diet Coke.   So the stupid thing? That was assuming someone was out to get me.  No one wished me harm, but that was the first thing I thought of.  Since then, I've made it a priority to look for causes rather than someone to blame when things go wrong.

But, in the grand scheme of things, those are relatively benign stupid things.  Sadly, I have made at least one, potentially malignant, mistake.

One of the more stupid things I did was smoke my first cigarette.  Absolutely, hands down, without a doubt, the stupidest thing I ever did was smoke the second one.  I don't know much about the science of addiction, but I know this: it took me six or seven attempts over thirteen years to finally become an ex-smoker. The lesson, don't do drugs. Ever.  Accept that I have a tendency to obsess over or become addicted to things and I need to find a way to put limits on them.  Do what I can to repair the damage I've done to my body.  It's been years since I last had a cigarette, but, in those minutes when I really, really want one, that's when I need to take a deep breath and figure out what it is that I'm trying to avoid.




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*It should be noted that this was before my window was smashed and my car radio stolen from that same parking lot. Not from malice, just because it was a bad luck parking lot.  Mine was not the only radio that was stolen, and unlike my truck driving colleagues, my spare tire never went roaming.
**Yes, if my head wasn't attached there are days when I would show up at work without it.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Engineering? Really?

December 1: Reverb Broads Prompt
"If the you of today could go back in time and give advice to any of the previous yous, which age would you visit and what would you tell them?"
 Kristen at kristendomblogs.com




To the middle school me, I would tell her "Never to let anyone take a picture of you on a bad hair day." The frightening thing is that given the grin on my face, I was pretty happy with my efforts. Must have been a dress up day at school.




But in general, I'm not sure there is much I would be able to tell previous me's that would have made any difference. I have have made my mistakes and learned from them. They are the mistakes of youth. The mistakes we all have made as we travel through this life. They the errors that we are warned against, but we are young, we know what we are doing, we don't need to listen. And really, would you want to change your path? Remember, it is the one that brought you to where you are today.



Still, there is one thing that I do wish the young me would be willing to listen to. Perhaps because of where I have ended up professionally, I do wish that someone would have talked to the high school me about becoming an engineer. I imagine I wouldn't have listened. It's even possible that someone did. And then I still would have had to make it through college chemistry and calculus, both of which were enough to convince me to not be a chemistry major*. Still, there is a part of me that is awfully curious about what I may have missed by sticking with the social sciences.






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* For the curious, I ended up with a degree in sociology.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Snippet

Along with many others, past and present, I am spending November participating in NaNoWriMo and attempting to write a novel. Or, at the very least attempting to write fifty-thousand words (yes, 50,000) that could, at some point become a novel.

At the end of today, in order to be on pace to finish my 50k words for the month, I should have 21,671 words.  As of right now, I'm at 19,305.  I'd like to be a a littler further along, but I am thrilled with what I have accomplished.  Now, many of my character's don't have names.  Lucy's uncle, at least for right now is named Uncle; her best friend is named Friend; the Friend's husband, his name is FHusband.  There's also Examiner, Gran, Nanna, Old Woman, and wife.  The whole point of NaNoWriMo is quantity.  To put something down on paper, to put anything down on paper so you have something to edit later.
This is not a cat named Frank


I have been "going to" write a novel for years. Mostly I never got started because I didn't have the whole thing planned out in my head.  What I'm learning as I write this month is that I don't need to have the end in sight.  Often, I have heard authors say that their characters take them places they never expected. Until this month, I had never understood that.  I had thought the author should be able to control the story.  I now understand how the character gets hit with a great idea and that changes the story.

So, glutton for external praise that I am, here is a snippet of Lucy's story.  Let me know what you think.

------

     Lucy pulled into the house driveway with a huge sigh of relief.  Seeing Uncle’s old tan and brown F10 pickup through the garage window she parked on the other side of the driveway.  Gasping as her bladder protested the sudden change in motion, she put the car in park, turned off the ignition, and raced around the house to the back door.  The Coke she had treated herself to at the truck stop in combination with the 24oz vending machine cappuccino she bought as she was leaving were making their presence painfully clear.  Knowing that the back door into the mudroom was always open, even if the house doors were not, and that it was extremely close to a toilet to that door were her prime considerations. 
     Swinging the backdoor open, forgetting that the spring was long since gone, Lucy cringed as the screen door handle slammed into the side of the house.  In years past that would have been cause for discipline.  Lucy, more than once, had stood on the back step in the cold practicing opening and closing the door quietly one hundred times as punishment for slamming the door closed in anger or even absentmindedly throwing the door open so that it banged against the house.  Uncle had no patience for those sorts of antics from a girl he was trying to teach to be a lady.
     Crossing the threshold , Lucy made the turn into the grimy bathroom, dropped her pants, and sighed as relief burst out of her. Lucy took stock of her surroundings.  Her vomit-speckled jeans cuffs were dragging on the floor of the bathroom.  At least their blackish-blue color was a nice complementing to the yellow splotches surrounding the base of the toilet.  The areas that weren't splotched were coated in a thin coat of mud, almost as if someone had used a trowel to smooth a translucent layer of dirt-brown glaze over the ancient gray linoleum.  Scattered over the floor were of corn kernels, oats, and the odd soybean shell.  Lucy heard the old furnace turn on and watched the grains skitter across the floor as the hot water pipes rattled with the flow of water. 
          Pulling up her pants Lucy caught a waft of something dead.  It was not unusual for mice to make their way into the mudroom, especially as summer turned into fall.  As defense, Uncle usually left mouse bait around and a dead mouse or two in the mudroom was not an unusual event. Once, one of the rodents had crawled into her boot during it’s final moments.  Lucy still remembered the squishy feeling that met her stockinged toes as she pushed on the boot.  She never did wear that pair of socks again and she always made sure to shake her boots out before putting them on.
     Walking into the house, Lucy was met by the the smell of cooking dust that comes off radiators when the first chilly nights and frosty dawns prompt the first furnace use of the season.  This was one of the   smells of home, or at least the smell of home before someone had a chance to make coffee or start cooking dinner.  Oddly though, the air in the house was exceedingly dry.  Uncle was prone to nosebleeds so he tended to keep the air in the house well-humidified.  There were desk-sized humidifiers in the dining room and the main hallway upstairs. For what ever reason, Uncle must not have turned them on when he turned on the furnace.  Lucy’s eyes burned and lips chapped almost immediately due to the exceedingly hot and dry air in the house. 
     Yet underneath the smell of the dust burning on the radiators and the crackly-leaf smell of over-dried air, the smell of dead mouse continued.  This was a curious, new development.  In all the years she had lived in that house, she could not remember a single time when a mouse, dead or alive, had ever made it into the main house.
     Rounding the corner into the kitchen, she saw Uncle at the table, his arms folded across his chest, head bent down, asleep in the straight back chair.  Lucy stood in the doorway for a moment, quietly taking in her sleeping uncle. 
     The hair on the top of his head was the swirled,tangled mat that only comes from going to bed with wet hair, waking up, pulling a billed cap on over the uncombed hair, and spending the next five or six hours of the day sweating beneath the hat.  The hair below his hat-line was more or less presentable, though sun-bleached several shades lighter than the chestnut brown of the rest of his hair.  
     Uncle had pulled off the once bright, but now faded reddish-gray suspenders and let them dangle from his waistband of his work jeans.  Most of his blue chambray work shirt was faded almost to white, but there were criss-crossed stripes of fabric protected from the sun and the other elements that remained the the blue of an October sky. The paper, opened to the crossword, was spread out in front of him.  The pencil he had been using had fallen from his hand rolled under the table.
     So as not to startle Uncle awake, Lucy called out softly.  When he didn’t respond, she walked closer intending shake Uncle from his slumber. Only when she got closer did Lucy realize that Uncle’s form seemed puffed up and that he chest wasn’t moving. She tried to stop her feet from taking the next step and futilely attempted to keep her hand by her side as she realized the smell of death was stronger in this room. Intent on keeping its original mission Lucy’s hand reached out to shake Uncle awake only to topple his corpse off the chair.  His body hit the floor with a sodden thump, and the smell of death exploded into the room.
     Not one for hysterics, as Lucy’s legs collapsed beneath her, she opened her mouth and screamed until the dry air stole her voice away.